U.S. President Barack Obama recently released a statement regarding his views on the internet age and the plight that millennials will face as they take on the world’s problems old and new. He addressed the White House and global media from inside his walk in closet, pausing after each sentence to put on a different pair of sunglasses.
“The teens and young adults of America have a heavier burden on their shoulders than perhaps any generation that came before them,” Obama began from within a constricting pair of children’s underwater goggles. “They will have to rise to the challenge if the United States, and the entire world, hopes to maintain civilization despite the imposing threats of climate change, terrorist organizations, cybercrime, and nuclear armageddon.”
Despite the gravity of the issues discussed, Obama seemed to remain relaxed in his all-corduroy ensemble. The camera repeatedly panned down to his feet throughout this address, revealing Michelle Obama and his daughters moisturizing his feet and waxing his legs.
“In many respects, the challenges that millennials face are unprecedented; the environment has never been at such an obvious risk, the internet was only recently created, and the rate of industrialization among different nations has never created such a rift that nuclear war or environmental destruction seemed as imminent,” Obama conceded while removing a pair of tiny beatnik-type circular classes from his face and replacing them with a pair that flared outward on both sides in a manner reminiscent of 1950’s female movie stars. “What’s important to remember, however, is that the American people have been faced with considerable challenges before, and they have always persevered.”
At one point in the speech, Obama began simply pushing his used glasses over his face to rest on the top of his head, vacation-style. Unfortunately, as his continuous use of this strategy eventually led to a back-up of glasses that caused old pairs to be continuously pushed behind his eye-line to the point that they would fall off the other side of his head and onto his wife and daughters.
Michelle Obama, a reliable pinnacle of grace, was seen wearing a fallen pair during a camera pan-down following the glasses back-up incident. Her teen daughters soon followed suit, as revealed by a subsequent pan-down.
“As president, I’m confident that the features that have allowed the American people to pull through hard times in history remain the features that will allow for millennials to move forward and resolve the problems they’ve been handed,” Obama asserted behind multiple pairs of glasses, which he had begun to layer front to back on the bridge of his nose. “By working together despite our differences, and indeed utilizing those differences to create a more cohesive world view that yields in-depth solutions unachievable by any individual; that’s how we will find our way out of these troubling times.” He gesticulated this final phrase with his recognizable timid-thumbs-up fist, sending a jolt down his body that caused sun glasses to fall from the front and back of his face simultaneously.
Michelle and the kids enter the camera screen from the bottom of the shot, standing and clapping with sun glasses caught in their hair and strewn across folds of their clothing.